Fantasy Feature No. 2

Your old man has left for Los Angeles. You cried when he left. Now you get to dominate the Netflix que. You will stay awake until 4 a.m. watching these movies. (It really does say "Your Que," by the way). W. The Double Life of Veronique. Metropolis. Au Revoir Les Enfants. Blow Up. The Runaways. Scenes From a Marriage. Some of these films are on instaNetflix, but you will receive them in the mail just for you because you don't want to watch them blurry. You will have no one to curl up with because the old man took the cat. You will not bathe for three days.

What You Wanted To Be Doing

The next time you are in Cullman, Alabama, you should definitely go to the Ave Maria Grotto. It is a miniature Jerusalem, along with other historic buildings. It definitely is on the Christian side of the Holy Land argument, but worth the visit. The Leaning Tower of Pisa and Noah's Ark were undergoing construction when the old man and I were there, so let me know if you get to see them when you go.

There is yummy Southern food nearby at All Steak. The old man and I ate from the veggie plate, which had one of my favorite Southern delicacies: fried okra. With your meal comes an amazing orange roll. I almost missed my flight back to New York because of the orange rolls.

Finished in Marshall, California

Worked in Brooklyn, Kentucky, Ohio, and California.

Moss diamond scarf pattern from Wendy Bernard's Custom Knits.

Only Get Me When I'm Down

I was never afraid of the dark until my mom's step-mother told me the story of Bluebeard and my sister made me sleep by all windows after that. I like it when darkness comes early. One time I went hiking in the middle of the night in Iceland, talked of sagas and realized if I didn't have lights I would believe in trolls too. Those rocks. One Christmas in Massachusetts we were snowed in, but it was so bright at night because of the full moon's reflection on the snow. Lit up from your feet. How weird it was to follow light under my eyes and not over my head. Sometimes the old man's dad turns off his headlights when we drive past a pretty New Englandy farm at night. Did you know that so many soldiers broke their ankles during WWII when they parachuted on moonless nights? Jumping into darkness. In order to save 1.2 million dollars in this year's budget, Colorado Springs, Colorado is shutting off one third of its city lights. Is having light safety or is safety safety? Also Colorado Springs majorly cut back its police force. What is darkness to a local economy? How many films can you name during which the love interests ask for help turning off the lights. Places that don't have many lights have many trees or lots of snow or huge waves. My kitty is only a bad kitty during the day or when I'm eating. I believe in trolls and Bluebeard. Suddenly everything is like a big cave and how did most things come to be. You were killing me with light anyway.

Does This Make You Blush

Do you know who Jan Schakowsky is? You fuckin' should. She's a representative from Illinois who, on Tuesday, introduced a new bill to Congress that will require stricter regulations for beauty products. As you may know, Congress has not passed any legislation regarding the chemicals used in beauty products since the Cosmetics Safety Act of the 1930's. Many beauty products use small amounts of known carcinogens and other harmful chemicals.

Democracy Now! hosted a debate between Stacy Malkan, founder of the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, and John Bailey, industry scientist and spokesperson. I recommend listening to what they say about the issue. Bailey made an interesting point that the industry is actually backing the new legislation. I wonder to what extent. I wish he could've further explained how the industry justifies their attitude that, well, it's only a pinch of chemicals. There's only a small amount of lead in lipstick. Mr. Bailey, do you roll around in a little bit of poison ivy? Would you mind it if there was a little bit of poop in your drinking water? Think about this: if a pregnant woman isn't supposed to dye her hair (because the chemicals in the dye may harm the baby), why should anyone else use that same product?

My dear reader(s), is your definition of beauty yours and yours alone? How many products do you use per day and are those products actually doing what you want them to do? (I'll be the first to admit that my bathroom has at least four bottles of lotion in it, but my skin always seems to be dry). Do you really need to put acid in your hair, only to wash it away with an oil byproduct? I can't decide what's more upsetting, the fact that there are reproductive disruptors in beauty products or that these items are so needed that we accept small amounts of poison. Sure, these chemicals don't out and out cause cancer, but they are linked to it.

I leave you with two websites where you can go to to find out about the chemicals in your beauty products. The first, Cosmetics Info, is hosted by the Personal Care Products Council, the one that John Bailey sits on. The second, the Cosmetics Safety Database, is brought to us by the Environmental Working Group.

This Is Not A Love Letter From Louisiana

Dear Mr. Flag Lapel Pin Wearer,

You got me! I wasn't ready for someone to ask me about that dang ol' mosque-near-nine-eleven-freedom-towers issue. I thought only crazies listen to Wing Nuts! I'm so sorry about all the confusion. When you asked me what I thought about the mosque "they're" building two blocks from the world trade center sight, I was like there are mosques all over New York City. In fact, there's one two blocks from my apartment. And two blocks from that. If we really want to get into the buildings belonging to religious institutions, which I think should have to pay property taxes BIG TIME, you can see about one hundred of them from the roof of my friend's studio. Mosques, cathedrals, etc. They're everywhere. So what if one is going downtown? How nice it must be, if you were religious, to walk to a place where a sacred ceremony is happening. You know, it's all clean sounding. By the way, do you think yoga is religious? I'm kind of starting to feel religious about it. On my recent airplane trip, I listened to a yoga podcast and imagined myself doing all the poses. Also, I kind of feel religious about the old man. Like I think about Him all the time and I would let Him do anything to me, I mean, I would do anything for Him.

So, when you said that you thought that "they" shouldn't allow the mosque to be built, sucked in your lips, then said, someone is going to blow it up. I wanted to rip the lapel pin right off your gray lapel, sir! That's what you think America is? Incapable of making gestures? Of reaching out? Reactionary? I know we've been to a kind of war in Afghanistan for NINE YEARS and we're about to pay 34 billion more dollars for it, so that really isn't the best example of the great things America can do, BUT we do have freedom of religion, isn't that right? That someone can worship in a mosque or on my couch, in my case. I'm not sure, but I assume that we should invoke a religious-like tolerance of religion in order to have the freedom of walking to a synagogue or church. Embracing freedom. You get your religion and I get mine. Am I wrong?

I have to tell you that the way you said what you said rendered me speechless. You didn't say: I hope "they" don't blow up that mosque in your city near you where you feel afraid and see smoke and imagine people crying. You didn't say: I haven't been prepared to understand what it means to have a mosque down near the new freedom towers. You didn't say: It's a bold move and I hope no one gets hurt. Sir, you said it the way you said it because you want the mosque to be blown up. I can't hate you because you're the one who hates. As a Republican Fascist, that's your job. Wear your pin and spew your hate.

What I can do is pity you. Your buckets are full, aren't they? Poor you. It is so easy to hate. I mean, so simple. Just blow 'em up. So easy. Understanding? Embracing? These are complicated ideas meant to be handled by adults. You are a little boy who has come across blue eggs in a bird's nest and has decided to take down the nest and set your dog on fire. See and destroy--that's what you do. You react; you don't progress. You are a part of something crazier and greater and together y'all have succeeded in increasing the military industrial complex.

I'm so sorry you're so scared. I'm only down here for a family reunion then I'm back to Brooklyn where just about anything is two blocks from two blocks. Before I fly away, I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry you feel the way you do. You'll be stuck like that forever until, well, you want something more complicated.

List: Your Fad Is So Obvious

• Stockings. They are meant to be worn on the legs during WINTER. They keep your legs warm. Unless you're in some kind of marching band, you can go bare.
• Boots with shorts. The look is cheeky during Spring and Fall, but one hundred and two degree weather? You're screaming.
• Sweaters. Quarter sleeve, half sleeves. It's August. So you wear one in the office. Outside, it's hot.
• Other random winter objects. Scarves. Turtlenecks. They are doing things you don't need right now.