Sunday, May 17, 2009

Fantasy Feature No. 4155

If you were a perfect person, smacking wouldn't bother you. Your Mister could stand next to you with chips and salsa and you would think on the weather or those bubbles that floated up from the sink and popped near your mouth. But you is you, ain't you? You hate the sound of smacking. Sometimes this prevents you from watching a movie in a movie theater. Remember Woman of the Year? Well, you'd remember more if someone hadn't been fiddling with candy wrappers then smacking on whatever popped out of them. You once saw a documentary of Emmett Till, who was brutally tortured and murdered in 1955 for whistling at a white woman in Mississippi. Emmett Till's mother wanted people to see how heinously her son had been beaten and refused to have a closed-casket funeral. When the filmmaker pauses for four horrible seconds on Emmet Till's mangled body, you heard a noise didn't you. It wasn't of someone crying, but of someone smacking on a mouth full of popcorn. Well, you're off to see a Rivette film now. People don't smack so much during foreign films because they have to concentrate on reading the subtitles. You like foreign films because you get to do your two favorite things at the same time.   

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